31 Kansas

I first encountered Sappho’s poetry in college.

Before that, I grew up in Topeka, KS, where the Westboro Baptist Church was the loudest voice talking – well, yelling – about what it meant to be “gay,” with their daily protests at the park down the street from my grandparents’ house, holding signs with deeply offensive slogans such as: “GAY = AIDS = DEATH” and “GOD HATES FAGS.”  I didn’t know this then, but the Westboro Baptist Church is one of the most outspoken and active homophobic hate groups in the United States.

This wasn’t the only homophobia that I experienced, virulent and unchecked, in my community.

And, what I did come to know, was that I was unwilling to live my life feeling like something was inherently wrong with me.  So, I got… skeptical.  And I decided there had to be something wrong not only with the Westboro Baptist Church but with a system that allowed — even supported and encouraged — these harmful behaviors.  I wanted to understand that system so that I could at least try not to contribute to it.  But also –  I hoped that I could speak up about it, even against it.

At the same time, I made a commitment to find pleasure and beauty.  I refused to live in a hateful, angry haze.  Though I did get pretty mad at those Westboro Baptist church people.

One place that I found pleasure was in words on the page.  The words of Maya Angelou who told me why the caged bird sings and of Jeanette Winterson who showed me fruit other than oranges.  No one in my family had gone to college, but it seemed to me that I should probably attend one, if I wanted to go on searching for beauty in words and nurturing the skeptic in me that wanted to change those oppressive systems.

And I did want those things, so I left Kansas for the Evergreen State College in Washington State, where my innate skepticism developed into critical thinking.  In college, I learned new language, experienced a new sense of emotional safety, and built new frames of reference to interrogate my own life and the world around me, to ask questions about things that others – or I myself – might have otherwise taken for granted.  I studied ancient Greek literature and encountered the poetry of Sappho, which enticed and perplexed me with its fragmentary snippets of what seemed to me to be queer desire.  For me, studying history is a way to understand the present and empowers me to imagine different futures.

By leaving Kansas, going to college, and becoming a teacher in California, I have experienced liberation from the shame and anger that I felt steeped in growing up in Topeka.  I do still feel a real sadness for the younger me and how much pain I experienced and I celebrate the strides that Kansans are making toward inclusivity and equity.  For example, in 2018, Kansans elected Sharice Davids to the House of Representatives.  Representative Davids is the first openly LGBTQ Native American women elected to Congress.  Also, while Kansas has enacted many restrictions on abortion, in 2019, its highest court ruled that a pregnant person’s right to personal autonomy is protected in the state’s constitution.

If you happen upon this Pressbook from Kansas, please feel free to reach out to us via email at hostoolkit@gmail.com to share your experience.  (And if you happen to be in Topeka, be sure to enjoy a burrito at Taco Al’s, where I was loved and appreciated as a teenager for my work ethic and excellent bean-cooking skills, despite my shaved head and multiple piercings.)

-Jody